The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
