You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
