you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
