I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Enjoy the penises
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
