you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
