I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
