i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
