I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
