My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
