wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
