I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
