During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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