I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
