I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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