how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
