Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
