I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
