The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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