i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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