I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
