I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
