Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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