Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
