He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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