he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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