Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
