And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Never underestimate the power of titties
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
