So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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