I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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