I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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