sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
