I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
