i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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