She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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