Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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