Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
