Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
