my sisters under your porch take her home
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
