I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
