Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
