you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
