Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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