Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I AM VODKA MAN
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
