I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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