dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
