I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
