i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
