btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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