i may or may not be watching the land before time
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
sex in a hospital.. check
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
