I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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