nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
