he thought i was a dude.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
