I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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