So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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