I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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